A Deep Thought

Im not sure how much of time in my life I've wasted away. You know.. create enemies, made wrongful judgement, mixed with the wrong clique, in short anything doesn't doesn't benefit my life. Now that im 20 and in the working society, i feel as if i have wasted my youth away doing useless stuff. I regret alot in my teens i suppose. Not saying that I'm old. But at least I'm glad that by now, ive realised that.. not till im 40, old, ugly and wrinkled.

Im not sure why, but recently my flashbacks has been haunting me. I keep fearing that the past will catch up with me again one day. Each time i close my eyes, it flashes right at me. Why cant it stop? Is there something i fear currently? I dont even know.. -sigh!- The is only one major event in my life that has cause me a great deal of hate. I hate thinking about the past 3 years, i hate thinking about my happy moments, i hate thinking about my future, i hate thinking about how poor i was, i hate thinking about who i have caused hurt of have hurt me in ways. I personally feel my past has been scarred badly with bad memories. Its the things ive gone through and maybe forced to grow up in an environment not my age that i hate. Not being able to be that "happy-go-lucky" girl i was 10 years ago. Today's entry is kinda deep. Dont mind me, i just need my space to blog :) Im alright.. just.. just.. deprived moodless being aware of my life..

Side Track.. "Whose line is it anyway" just rocks. Its on TV plus its a weekday and its 1:50am.

Enough of my inner thoughts,
My resolution for 2009,
- clear outstanding debts FULLY.
- save up for my future, achieve my aims and goals with my own capability.
- try to create better memories; family, friends, relationship and work
- try to make a difference in someone else's life; friend, charity, stranger.
- put in effort in making myself a better person.
- build a steady foundation of trust.

Maybe.. Maybe someday i'll be a capable lady. Be my own boss maybe. MAYBE.. its too much of a challenge, but since when life isn't full of challenges? :)

thankyouforbeingtherewhenineededashoulder.

thankyouforthefirstnightatredantz.

thankyouforlettingmerememberwhatitfeltliketobeloved.

thankyoufortheendlessmoviemarathon.

thankyoufortheexperienceofafamily.

thankyouforchanginginwaystobebetter.

thankyoufortakingawayaburningpain.

thankyouforbeinghereaftersixyears.

daddy,ithankyouforhim.

One should be appreciative in life to be appreciated. :D

Be thankful and appreciate the people around you.

PEACE!